Lost in the maze
by Kirea-K
Summary: The consequences of the 3 word sentences in Cristina. It's placed between episodes 5.21 and 5.22. Is a little wishful thinking for 5.22.


The worst thing of finding yourself in the middle of a maze is that all you're able to see are the big walls surrounding you. You might be one turn away from the exit and never know it.

That's how Cristina felt when she left Owen that night a couple of weeks ago. She had told him she loved him in his own way, and then had walked away. She felt in the middle of a maze, big walls surrounding her, the exit somewhere there, not to be found.

She had been so angry and hurt, and had not been able to see how he was hurting, maybe even more than she did. How could she not have seen it...? She knew he felt guilty, that he couldn't forgive himself for hurting her, even if she had forgiven him long ago. She felt she had also her share of guilt to carry on. She should never have broken up with him, she thought, you do not give up in the people you love. You stand by them through thick and thin, help them out of their own mazes, and you never, ever walk away on them. She had done it, and now she had to live with it.

That night had been a turning point for them. These last weeks had been much better than the previous ones. They had been able to work together without the big discomfort of the previous weeks, and every time he had used a 3 word sentence, their eyes had made contact and warmed a bit. After knowing what they meant, they really touched her. A couple of times she had even said "take care now" herself, and made him smile. Definitely things were getting better, though she was still wondering how to get out of the maze, where to make the right turn to find their happy ending... and she was feeling definitely silly for believing in happy endings after all she had seen. He made her believe in happy endings, that's what he had brought into her life, even if he didn't now it.

The sound of her beeper took her out of her daydream, several injured in the ER, all surgeons requested. Great! Nothing better to fill the hours until Meredith's wedding than a full ER. And a chance to see Owen in action. This was going to be a great day, she thought, running to the steps, not caring to wait for the elevator. Gosh, SGH had the slowest elevators ever!

She arrived to the ER to find something that was too gore even for her, it looked like a war zone... only full of very young people. Too young to be in the army. Owen wasn't there and she remembered that he was probably with Dr. Wyatt. Of course, he had not mentioned it directly, but she had seen him take the elevator... and had stared long enough to see that it had stopped in the 11th floor, where she had her office. Not many options available. She did hope he would see his pager and arrive quickly, Callie was getting hysterical asking for him, and she didn't want to tell anyone where to find him.

Fortunately only moments later, as she was beginning to treat a young boy with an open wound, he stormed in, assessing the situation with expert eye, shouting instruction, and beginning to organize the chaos. Cristina felt instant relief at his sight. Independently of her feelings, she knew he was the right person for that situation, and so did Callie, who was running up to him, still pissed, but also relieved to see him.

"Where the hell.." Callie started

"No time for chat Torres, give me those charts, and go take care of that broken leg"

Cristina loved how he diverted the question and took care of the situation. He was definitely her McBadass... but she'd better focus on her patient, who was chattering about his girlfriend. How could he possibly be chatting with an open wound, she didn't know, at least not until she begun paying attention. She nearly froze as she heard him desperately say that he had separated from her to protect her, and now he was scared she would die, and he would never get the chance to go back to her.

She continued to prepare him for the operation automatically. The surgical training allowed her to do stitches and perform routine tasks without paying too much attention, which was good, for she felt like throwing up. The thought of finding herself in his position, begging for Owen not to die so that they got another chance was making her physically sick. She could understand that Owen wanted to do the right thing, but hell, spending her life without him was not the way, and the sooner they solved it, the better.

***************************

It had taken hours to clear the situation in the ER, but it was finally quiet when she came out of the OR. Fortunately the surgery had gone well, and Jordan would live to see attend his graduation... and then she remembered his girlfriend. She had not been able to tell him she had passed away before entering the OR. She suspected he would have been declared dead by now if she had done so. There was no scientific proof, and she should not believe it, but somehow she was sure that the will to live was a very important part of surgery, and knew that without the hope of seeing her, he would not have fought, and it broke the heart that she was not supposed to have.

It was Meredith's wedding day, and she was heartbroken. She was heartbroken at the thought of not being with Owen... but for the first time since the choking incident she knew what she had to do.

She sat down on a gurney in front of his OR, took a medical journal, and prepared to wait. It did not take long until he came out. Had left Karev closing up the patient and decided to get out first to check on the ER and the rest of the patients.

"Nice work today" was the first thing she told him as she saw him.

He smiled at her and sat down at her side on the gurney. He knew that her sitting there meant that there was nothing left to do in the ER.

"How did your surgery go?" he asked

"Fine, he will live to find out that his girlfriend is dead, and that I didn't inform him before we entered the OR"

"You know you are caring about the patient in a personal way, don't you?" he teased.

She smiled, stood up and pulled him into the nearest on-call room at the end of the corridor. He didn't say anything, but didn't resist either. He watched her lock the door and stared at her, waiting, holding his breath, not daring to hope. Several seconds passed , and they just stood there, looking into each other's eyes.

"You know, I love you, don't you?" she said, unable to hold the words any longer.

"but?" he added, his heart skipping a beat.

"No buts" she continued "I love you, plain, simple, and painful. And I know you love me. And I'm tired of being away from you. No, let me finish, before I lose the nerve to do it" stopping his interruption with her hand.

He had come closer to her, and her hand was leaning on his chest.

"Today before entering the OR my patient told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend because he was not good enough, because of their parents opposition... and now she is dead, and they will not get another chance. My heart clenches at the thought of us not getting a second chance... I know you don't trust I that can do it. I know I ran away in the worst possible moment, I was scared, and I'm sorry. But I want to be with you. I know you're getting help, and that you'll get better, and I'll get better... and I want to be the one sleeping in your arms when you get out of the tunnel. I've been thinking that, after all, we only have a logistic problem for the moment. If I cannot sleep in your arms, I can go to the sofa, it doesn't matter where I sleep as long as we are together."

During her speech, tears had come to her eyes, and begun rolling down her cheeks and he tenderly wiped them away with his thumbs. She could see that he was also holding the tears back, not saying a word yet, so she moved forward and hugged him by the waist, burying her face in his shoulder.

"You can speak now, you know" she said against his scrubs.

"I... I really can't" he whispered, his voice cracking... what he could do, was to hold her even tighter against his chest, letting the feelings overwhelm him.

Several hours later everybody commented how happy they both looked at the wedding.


End file.
